God has been putting on my heart that I need more self discipline in my life. How do I know this? Thoughts of discipline and denying myself keep coming into my mind. Every book I pick up has to do with discipline. I've told God that I keep trying to deny myself, but my flesh is too strong. My flesh seems so much stronger now than it was when I was younger. I think my flesh is spoiled.
A few days ago, God put on my heart to read a book in my library that I read in 1994, "Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secret." Hudson Taylor was born in England in the 1800's and went to China to tell people about Jesus.
"When I get out to China, I thought to myself, 'I shall have no claim on anyone for anything. My only claim will be on God. How important to learn, before leaving England, to move man, through God, by prayer alone.'" Hudson Taylor, 1851
After reading this book today, I realized that I now understood what Jesus meant when he said to deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow him. Hudson Taylor did just that. It took him 6 months on a ship to get from England to China.
"One who is really leaning on the Beloved finds it always possible to say, 'I will fear no evil, for thou art with me.' But I am so apt, like Peter, to take my eyes off the One to be trusted and look at the winds and waves... Oh, for more stability!" Hudson Taylor, 1854-1855
I then asked God, "How do people like Hudson Taylor become like this? How are they able to deny themselves so much? How are they able to deny themself everything to follow you? Are they born this way? Is it how they were raised? And as soon as I was done, God told me that people like Hudson Taylor become like this after spending a lot of time with him and in his Word. They saturate themselves with God and his Word. God said it is his Word that gives them power to deny themselves.
"My faith was not untried; it often, often failed, and I was so sorry and ashamed of the failure to trust such a Father. But oh! I was learning to know Him. I would not even then have missed the trial. He became so near, so real, so intimate!" Hudson Taylor, 1856-1858
I almost cried. God had just given me a powerful message. If I want to get the power to deny myself, I needed to get it by saturating myself in God's Word and with God. I thought I was already reading a lot of God's Word. I talk to God all the time throughout the day. I thought it was enough, but it wasn't. I need to read it until I feel the power. I need to read it until it has renewed my mind. I need to read until it heals my soul. I need to not only spend time talking to God, but also to listen for his voice. He has things to teach me. He wants to guide me, but I have to listen with spiritual ears.
Thank you, Jesus, for teaching me this powerful message. I will saturate myself with your Word and keep my spiritual ears open listening for your voice. Thank you, Jesus, for loving me so much. I will never understand such unconditional love, but I crave it every day!
"If a man have Christ in his heart, heaven before his eyes, and only as much of temporal blessing as is just needful to carry him safely through life, then pain and sorrow have little to shoot at." William Burns, a missionary that worked with Hudson Taylor in China, 1855-1856
"And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethen, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive a hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life." Matthew 19:29
